There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
