sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
