dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
