And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
