this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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