Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize