Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
