not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize