3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
