haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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