pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
