Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
