There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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