the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
