I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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