My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
