If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
