After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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