I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
