it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
