Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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