ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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