also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
