Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
