Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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