plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
