Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
