You made me cry and you don't even care
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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