I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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