i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
