she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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