You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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