Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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