All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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