I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
