Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
