I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
