that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
