I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
