I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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