Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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