Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
