i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
