I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
