it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is the high leading the old right now
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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