I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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