I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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