I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
