I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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