Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
