I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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