I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
