wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
