im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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