Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
