before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
