I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize