I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
