I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
