New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
