I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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