Soap is not a condiment
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
