Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
