I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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