what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
