Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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