you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
