His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
