i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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