Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
