We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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