wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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