is your mom at the bar?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
