i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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