but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
