Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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