Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
