i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
